When darkness consumes us
by Skylar Diablos
Summary: Just what was going through Cams head before he ended his life? Find out in my spin off of the episode 'Bitter Sweet Symphony part 2', which i promise will be much different than the show.
1. Chapter 1

**I do not own any of the characters in this story, this story is based off the episode off the Canadian show Degrassi titled ****_Bitter Sweet Symphony part_**** 2. It is my spin on what happened before Campbell Saunders killed himself, what was going through his head and what his last thoughts were. This is my first fanfic so please be nice :) Any suggestions are welcome !**

_ Psycho_, that one word is like a knife slashing my wrists. It becomes my mantra; it proves it, that i'm different, i'm not normal, i'm a bad person.  
I pace back and forth in the green house completely and utterly unsure of myself; I thought everything would be okay. Being with Maya seemed to be the only truth, the only medicine that could make me feel whole. But even that became tainted with Zigs words.  
My phone buzzes somewhere in my jeans, I almost don't answer it, but I realize it won't matter what it says. I grudgingly open my phone and see its another text from Maya, my heart aches and an unnatural, gnarled, desperate noise escapes my mouth at her text. 'Don't do this, please just talk to me.'  
Its like she knows , but of course shes talking about the breakup. Its too much, everything is too much. I get a good grip on the phone and pelt it at the wall with all my strength. It shatters into mixed pieces of glass and plastic almost instantly. She deserves better, i'm a psycho.  
I lug myself over to where I put my bag, I reach inside and remove hoot, the stuffed owl Maya use to use for security and strength. I squeeze it willing the pain to go away. But its useless, the whole in my chest is deep, to deep for even Maya to fill anymore.  
All these months of trying so hard, all for nothing. Dallas is right, I can't give up hockey, they would make my life hell. But I can't live this life of missing my family every second of everyday either.  
I kneel down against the wall, so tired, why can't everything just stop? I pull out a notebook from my book bag, I rip a small corner off one page. I scribble down words that need to be said, before I use a piece of a broken pot to make a small incision in the back of hoots head. I slide the paper inside tightly, hopefully Maya gets him back.  
I reach inside my back for the thick rope I found in the janitors closet, a noose is actually pretty easy to make, but I was so terrified my hands shook the whole time, it caused me to have to start over more than once. I tied the end of one side securely to a metal beam triple knotting it just incase. I get onto the table and stand on shaking legs, I put the loop around my neck. This is it. I pray that who ever will find me will know that i'm in a better place now, hopefully.  
I stand on the edge, deaths door so close I can practically feel the reapers scythe against my back, willing me to fall. I close my eyes and picture my mom, dad, and the rest of my family. I save Maya for last, I envision holding her, like I did last night when we slept on her couch, I envision her smile when shes playing her cello, or her laugh, and her lips on mine. Suddenly i'm not so scared, I welcome the darkness that consumes me as I tip forward. My last thought is that I don't blame anyone, this is my fault.

**More to come soon i promise, if you think Cam is gone forever think again ;) I hope you enjoyed this little snippet.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Cams dead so now what? Read on to find out whats next for this school and its students. Again i do not own any of the charachters, this story is based off the series Degrassi. Please comment and share :)!**

**Chapter 2**

A suicide is something that shocks everyone into a blaring silence. The only sound that can be heard is of the pain wailing for its escape.  
Its something no one ever expects, it causes all the fighting and differences to cease. Everyone is united with a mutual loss and grief.  
Those who don't have a break down, cling together in clusters of friends with only whispers of 'why?' 'When' or 'I don't understand' escaping.  
And in the midst of it all i'm still here, i'm still Cam. I see the tear stricken faces all over, slumped against lockers or keeled over, and it just doesn't make sense. I walk past Mr. Simpsons office and see him, head down with tight fists. I see teachers fleeing from classrooms upon hearing the news, so overwhelmed, eyes filled and knees quaking. Don't they understand I couldn't do it anymore, that it was all too much?  
Blond hair bobs across my vision so quickly I almost miss it. My heart quickens as I involuntarily follow her. She weaves through the school as if unseen, as if unaffected by what the day has brought. That thought makes me sad and I now I have no right to feel like that. I should be happy shes okay.  
She stops at an empty classroom and lets herself in. I cross the distance so i'm right on her heels, ready to see her face. I almost think shes come here to grieve in private, but when she spins around my heart deflates, because it isn't her. She is physically a perfect match from behind but completely different face to face. She has piercing green eyes, no glasses, and a nose that swoops at the end. I don't recognize this girl, but the worst part is shes seeing me. She looks right into my eyes with the saddest smile anyone can conjure.  
"Campbell Saunders?" She phrases it like a question, but we both know she knows exactly who I am, call it intuition.  
"Who are you? How can you see me?" Maybe shes dead too, a wicked grin spreads across her face and I can't quite decipher it.  
"I am here to tell you why you are still here." It hadn't really occurred to me that I hadn't moved on, I took it as a sign that it was a punishment of some sorts. To watch everyone live even though I never will again, to see the lives I can never again be apart of.  
"You may have thought your suicide was all about how you felt, but its so much more than that. You have left such deep scars on those who cared about you. Like your hockey team, especially Dallas, Tory, Tristan, your family, Maya and so many others than you thought." I couldn't help the tremors that seized my hands at the thought of hurting Maya so deeply. I clench my hands together until my knuckles turn white, don't think about it.  
"I understand." Sort of.  
"You don't understand, you are stuck here so you can see how much pain you have caused. How much suffering." She takes a threatening step forward, her eyes have molded into ice with her fury. She looks at me with disgust and pity before she turns to leave.  
"Wait, but who are you?" She stops and turns back slowly as if considering how to respond.  
"I am just a messenger." A messenger, what does that me? She looks up and disappears right in front of me as if she was never there, kinda like me. Gone and never to return again.

**Hope you are as excited as I am about this story. Since I keep making the chapters so short i'll try and post two a week. Please review and share so I know it doesn't completely suck :) **


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